The longer I live,
The wiser I grow,
The more I find Much less I know.
Niki, the Million-Year-Old Lilliputian
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Saturday, October 21, 2006
So if you haven't quite noticed, I don't post here anymore. I actually went back to my original blog, and I've been posting for quite awhile (miraculously). So while I'm certaintly not going to delete this, I probably won't post here, well, ever.
Here's where you should try to find me now:
http://nikistarsnhreyes.blogspot.com
Posted at 03:06 pm by godsjewel
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Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I actually have found several extremely relevant pictures:
  
For a long time, I honestly had very little concept of loneliness. As an only child, I more or less received all the attention... well, shared it with the Momster. Anywho, I got my first taste of what it meant to be "different" in preschool. I can remember sitting by myself in the back of the room during sing-along... no one wanted to me to sit with them. However, those memories didn't affect me as much as the following year. In kindergarten, I found my first in-class best friend, Lauren. However, as opposed to the girl who "talked weird," Lauren was a bit higher on the social demand ladder. While we sat together on the bus ride home, my attempts at hanging out with my friend were thwarted by others' snide statements, "Lauwen doesn't wanna pway with yoo-oou." Gee, thanks guys.
Nonetheless, that wasn't the time that impacted me the most. I learned what it meant to not fit in when I reached middle school (you know... like 95% of the rest of the population, of course). Cruel remarks and cruel jokes (such as, 'So-and-so wants to go out with you.' 'Really?!' 'NOT! Psyche! Hahahahaha!!!') sent me crying to my room, literally, almost every night. Somehow, my prominent nose and small chin earned me the hurtful nickname 'Pinocchio.'
Today, even though 99% of people have more tact that to say hurtful things toward me, I still find myself feeling completely out of the loop or ignored somehow. Though my brain knows that a solid 22-year single streak has nothing to do with this, that it's simply not supposed to be happening now, I still can't help but feel like something's "wrong" with me. Again, I know better, but the feeling persists. I still, though I've got more friends in college than I've ever had before, feel like I'm the last person people think of for invitations and whatnot. Naturally, common sense debates those feelings, but...
Anyway, loneliness has had a humongous impact on my life and both my fears and hopes with friendship and relationships.
So ends life theme free-write number one. Stay tuned until tomorrow's reveal and chitchat. Grace and peace to you and yours.
Posted at 06:28 pm by godsjewel
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I'm issuing a creative writing exercise challenge to all of you that I thought of today, especially if you don't feel like you have anything to write about or feel like you can't writing creatively. I'll be doing this as well, if you need an example, beginning tonight, but dated tomorrow.
First off, make a mental list of themes in your life (for example, relationship with a parent, loneliness at a particular time in life, being labeled something like a nerd, faith, your favorite toy or cartoon character, etc.). However many you come up with, round it up to seven, fourteen, twenty-one, or twenty-eight (I'm going with 28 no matter what, since I'm starting on February first.
Then, each day, take a theme. Find a picture, whether yours or off the internet, that reflects that them in some way. Let that soak in your head for a little while. Then using the picture and some memor(y/ies), free-write about it, writing about examples, emotions, motivations, colors or songs, etc. Doing only one each day keeps you from feeling overwhelmed and others from losing interest. You can either post it on your blog, make it a protected post, or just do it on Microsoft Word and keep it to yourself.
If you do choose to take part on your blog, post the directions the first day so people aren't lost on what you're doing. Have fun with it, be honest, and perhaps you'll learn something about yourself. Trust me, it's fun.
First example coming tonight, either after work or around midnight.
Posted at 03:32 pm by godsjewel
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Friday, September 30, 2005
Wednesday night, Katrina Brink came up to me after CCF service and asked me what time I go to work in the morning. I told her 7:30, and I asked her why. "Someone in there told me to ask you." Who? "Um, I can't say."
O-ooooo-k.....
Being me of course, it slipped my mind. I woke up the next morning, a little growly because, hey, I'm not a morning person and I definitely didn't get much sleep the night before for some reason. I was running late, so I hopped in my car to drive part of the way to campus. Driving down Normal, I saw six CCF guys walking in a group... one carrying a drum, another a guitar, one of those tonette things, and (though I didn't immediately notice) a bouquet of fuschia carnations. I waved at them and continued my search for a spot. After some annoyance with the Truman parking situation, I found a spot near McClain and got out. As I got out, I saw the guys walking in that direction, and I waved.
They headed straight for me.
Me: and and and .
They surrounded me and announced they were walking me to work. Luke, in full ROTC uniform, issues like a "forward march!" command. They began playing their instruments (and me, laughing and crying (yes, crying) at how sweet they are) and soon Joe and Evan start singing... they forgot the lyrics and Evan began making up his own song... Something like, "Praise God in the morning... Praise God... We're walking our friend Niki... She's going to work and it's boring... but that's ok..." And after some confused and amused looks from fellow pedestrians, we get to the library, and Craig hands me the flowers! They say farewell, and I thanked them and told they they so completely rocked my face off.
I was laughing and smiling (and occasionally sniffing) all the rest of that day.
And that's why the CCF men are soooooooooo flippin' awesome, and they are sooooooooooo getting a batch of my insane brownies!!!!
Posted at 10:44 pm by godsjewel
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Monday, September 26, 2005
Posted at 07:25 pm by godsjewel
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Tuesday, September 06, 2005
"Non-drowsy" my butt.
Posted at 12:08 am by godsjewel
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
Magnificent Obsession (a song we sing in CCF)
Give me one pure and holy passion,
Give me one magnificent obsession,
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after You!
To know and follow hard after You,
To grow as Your disciple in the truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor,
Compared to knowing You, my Lord.
Lead me on and I will run after You...
Posted at 10:44 am by godsjewel
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Saturday, August 27, 2005
I.
Am.
A.
Slacker.
BIG time.
But I am back, and since I had a white chocolate latte at 10:00 p.m., I'm not sleepy, and probably won't be for awhile.
So look out!
First, a song today that I love that my roommates played in the cd player this afternoon:
Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light
Be Thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son (child)
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one
Riches I need not, nor man’s empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, the first in my heart
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art
High King of Heaven, my victory won
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O Bright Heav'n’s Sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be Thou my vision, O Ruler of All
I love hearing beautiful old hymns like this played and sung to something like an electric guitar and the drums... it's so beautiful to hear the old and the new working together harmoniously and giving Him the glory.
The weather. I've discussed this before, but I know it's been awhile, and I may have some new thoughts. What is it about a massive thunderstorm, like the one that occurred here about a week ago, or the emergence of spring long dormant, or the crisp freshness of an autumn morning, that just proclaims God's glory so effectively? Why is it that even when the music of my heart fades, that simple thunderstorm, shaking the very earth, so often is a powerful tool through which the Ruler of All Things speaks of His presence and control?
About a week ago, I noticed lightning flashing like mad outside and at such a rate that I first attributed it to heat lightning, which so often occurs in the hot weather. I then smelled the dampness of rain permeating through my windows, and upon further inspection, I witnessed one of the most insane thunderstorms I've seen in ages. Jefferson Street was a veritable river, with sheets of falling water sending waves down the road before my eyes. I saw an intensely bright flash, and that very second heard thunder that nearly caused me to fly back in the door as the thunder crashed just behind me in my left ear. Needless to say, I hurried back inside the actual house.
It's really difficult to fathom that anyone or anything could have the remotest control over that monstrosity. I, who generally do not fear typical thunderstorms, was shaking in my nightshirt. Yet it's through humbling moments like this that God is able to remind me of Who He is. He is the master of the storm, calmer of the seas, life of the spring, artist of the autumn. That insane storm is but a gentle puff of air to Him. I can imagine that on that fateful stormy afternoon, out with the disciples on the lake, there may have been a storm much like my storm. The disciples trembled with logical reason. Then He woke up, glanced at the clouds, and silenced them with two words: Be still... then went back to sleep. And all was now a gentle boat ride once more.
That is the Ruler I follow, the One who commands the great and the small alike, who thought of the minutest intricacies in creation, who tells the winds which way to blow, who can stop a record breaking storm with a mere word.
I know all these things, and I follow this King, yet I find myself so often as one of the logically frightened disciples, trembling in terror at the storm before me. Logically, the idea that I am to go out into the world, a small girl like myself into a big (and unknown to me) world, even to serve the Master, is plenty to tremble at. Yet, because I know who He is and His love and protection of me, He has every reason to rebuke my fears as He did the disciples: "Oh you of little faith!"
I am a woman of little faith, and I get scared. But He is patient with my fears, and He calms the storm when my fear drives me beyond reason. And though He may lovingly rebuke my weak faith, He is gentle and mighty, a strong tower. Praise Him!
Posted at 01:04 am by godsjewel
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Sunday, June 05, 2005
Blessing and honor, glory and power
Be unto the Ancient of Days
From every nation, all of creation
Bow before the Ancient of Days
Every tongue in Heaven and earth
Shall declare Your glory
Every knee shall bow at Your throne
In worship
You will be exalted oh God
And Your kingdom shall not pass away
Oh Ancient of Days
Your kingdom shall reign over all the earth
Sing unto the Ancient of Days
For none can compare to Your matchless worth
Sing unto the Ancient of Days
El Shaddai
El Shaddai, El Shaddai
El Elyonna Adonai
age to age you're still the same
by the power of the name
El Shaddai, El Shaddai
erkamkana Adonai
we will praise and lift you high
El Shaddai
Through your love and through the ram
you saved the son of Abraham
through the power of your hand
you turned the sea into dry land
To the outcast on her knees
you were the God who really sees
and by your might
you set your children free.
Through the years you made it clear
that the time of Christ was near
though the people couldn't see
what Messiah ought to be
Though your Word contained the plan
they just could not understand
your most awesome work was done
In the frailty of your Son
Posted at 10:52 pm by godsjewel
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Thursday, June 02, 2005
My Sad Attempt at an Update
I'm a working girl right now, thus depleted of time and energy. So I've been bad about updating, and I apologize. I'm going to try really hard to give a good update, but I can tell already with the head-splitting yawn series I just set off that I will likely fail miserably. Nevertheless, here I go.
After finals and a splendid Boo-Yah, I took the longer-than-normal trek home (thanks to traffic and countless stretches of contruction on 63, 54, 44, 65, and 13). I enjoyed some time with family and thanked the Lord I'm spending my summer in Kirksville. We shopped for some shorts, found 3 pairs of brand-new jeans for $5.99 (!), and I found four new cute shirts that made mom roll her eyes when I insisted on buying them myself when she refused to buy them (even though I've never expected her to buy any of my clothes to begin with, so I can't understand why she thinks that's some sort of a threat).
I went to graduation with my dear friend Michelle, where we lamented being ooooooooooold (I know all of 7 people graduating, and she knew fewer, and we just graduated a couple years ago!). The next day, Michelle, her little cuties Ryvre and Willow, and I went to SDC for the day where we stomped all over the park, finally discovering one particular slide that held the fascination of the 3 and 1 year old for approximately three hours, much to our weary relief. As we headed "H-O-M-E," Ryvre protested quite emphatically, as usual, and then promptly fell sound asleep before we even reached the first stoplight.
The day before I started up, we threw a surprise party for our neighbor Bev, who turned 74, at Elenita's Mexican Restaurant. I ate tooooooooo much, of course, and we saw Ray Stevens, a recently returned Branson comedian, and we had him sign a napkin for Bev, which he did so kindly. Many laughs and jokes had by all.
The ride back wasn't nearly as bad, as I split it up by stopping over at Grandma and Grandpa's at Osage Beach. We had-get this-Mexican food for lunch and shopping for dessert. At Marshalls, I found $150 dollars worth of Tuscany kitchen decor for $100. Sweeeeeeeeeet deal. My kitchen looks uber hott. Just ask Andrea.
Speaking of Andrea, I'm going to miss my awesome roommate after this month. We eat lunch together every day when I come home on break and make dinner together every night. Then we curl up on the couch and watch some silly movie. This past weekend we went to visit her family in Independence and--of course--went shopping!!! I've been out-shopped. Granted, I was in the midst of another of my infamous migraines, which does impair my capabilities; nevertheless, I know I'm incapable of running like that. You ladies deserve the crown.
Tinier but better details hopefully to follow at a later more energized date. Good night dear friends.
Posted at 10:38 pm by godsjewel
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